One of my audiences for this podcast is those who want to be there for those who are grieving. Everyone wants to be helpful, but it is hard to know what to say/do, especially if you haven’t been there. I feel blessed to have had really wise friends. They ministered to me in very specific and personal ways. I often knew what I needed and wanted, but not every grieving person does. Here are some of the things that helped me:
• Offered beach get-away – came with me for 4 days
• Spent the night with me, so I didn’t have to be alone
• Made chicken & dumplings (comfort food I requested) and stayed to eat with me
• Put scripture all through my house before I returned home from beach
• Greeted me upon return home from beach – brought dinner and games, did a Publix delivery order for groceries I needed, laughed and cried with me, told a story that took the zing out of having Matt’s ashes in the house
• Cleaned my house and gave my plants a haircut
• Helped me sort out the bank accounts and Matt's automatic subscriptions
• Planned fun trips with me during anniversary of death weekend and other times, giving me something to look forward to
• Calling or texting to check on me
• Invitations to lunch or theatre – fun things to anticipate
• Showing up, being present and listening; also looking for signals that I needed space
• Let grieving person share and cry – when they want to/need to cry, be comfortable with their expression of sadness
• Give grieving person options of things you might do to help; then listen and respect their wishes
• For me (a touchy person) – a hug, putting a hand on my arm or shoulder
• Join them in their grief – I spread Matt’s ashes with various friend groups
• Talk about their loved one - don't be afraid to say their name
These are just a small portion of how others helped ease my pain, most of these in the first year.
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