In the beginning.......

On June 17, 2023, I was eating a salad in my kitchen, waiting for my daughter and her family to arrive from Auburn for a night of theatre. Upon hearing the doorbell, I went to the front door to find a Sheriff’s officer who gave me the news that rocked my world. He told me my husband had been found dead after taking his own life. Time stood still. How could this be? I just kissed him this morning when he told me he had some errands to run. Though I knew he had had suicidal thoughts, I believed he was doing better. We had just had a great Memorial Day vacation in Key West. How could my husband of 34 years be gone? I’m a widow. 

Thus began my journey of grief.  

I’m Stacia Gaines, and Surthrival is a podcast for those who grieve, for those who are hurting from loss. This is a term that the Lord gave to me in the very early days after my husband’s death. I remember saying out loud, “I’m not just going to survive; I’m going to thrive. I’m going to surthrive! Grieving is hard work, and it is necessary for healing. You don’t “get over” something like losing your husband from suicide, but you can lean in and do things that aid in your healing.  

In his book, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief”, David Kessler says, “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint.” Everyone grieves differently, so you’ll not hear me being prescriptive or formulaic in this podcast.   

I’ll primarily talk about loss by death as that is my recent experience, but the tips the Lord gave me over the last year apply to all kinds of hurts. We feel pain and loss as a result of all kinds of things: divorce, loss of a job, empty nest, a move. 

I have become a student of grief over the last months. Since determining that I was going to surthrive, I dug in and learned all I could about loss, mourning and grief. I read books (poetry, biographies, self-help, spiritual principles, Bible verses, etc.), listened to podcasts (Anderson Cooper), temporarily joined a support group for those grieving, focused on my mental health (therapy, self-care, journaling) and talked to others who were grieving. Based on what I learned, I would try different things. Some helped. Some were not for me. That is the approach this podcast will take. Not everything that worked for me will help you – each person’s grief is unique. My hope is that something that is talked about on this podcast might be of help to you or someone you know that has experienced loss.