• Don't use platitudes like, "He's in a better place" – it's not helpful; Instead say something simple like, "I am so sorry. I love you." There are no magic words that will make it right. The person just wants to be seen and loved. Few words are necessary. Your presence, however, is important.
• Stopping by unannounced - this was stressful to me. In the early days there is a lot to do, and the person is often in a state of shock. Entertaining others is beyond their capacity in most cases.
• Bringing food that is not needed – though food is appreciated, too much food is a stressor. Ask the person if they need a meal. In cases where a lot of people are coming into town, they may need lots of food.
• Don't make it about you; join me in grief but don’t become the star. We don't have the energy to comfort you.
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